Thursday, July 06, 2006

Good ones!

Sign on a famous beauty parlour window: "Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother!!"

Advertisement in Pune Shop : Guitar, for strings attached.

Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please pay in advance."

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up.............reading.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.

Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.

Smile. Keep everyone confused.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

If swimming is such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?

Space is a dangerous place...especially if it's between your ears.

Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

One liners

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

I say no to drugs they just don't listen

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

Born free, taxed to death.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on
your pants.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll
believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted,
he has to touch it to be sure.

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.