Call Center Calls!!
CALL CENTRE JOBS: PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:
1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:" Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
3)
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."!
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
4)
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
5)
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
6)
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
7)
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
8)
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
9)
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
10)
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
11)
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
12)
Customer: "How do I print my voice mail?"
13)
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support:"What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
14)
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
15)
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
16)THIS ONE IS GOOD
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
MBA Lessons
Professor at IIM A was explaining Marketing concepts:
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
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You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's
Very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
*************************************************
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you
call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
*************************************************
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you
marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
*************************************************
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
*************************************************
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!!
*************************************************
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's Demand and supply gap.
*************************************************
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say, "I'am very rich. Marry me!"
She turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife!
That's competition eating into your market share.
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About Wikipedia
(From www.latimes.com)
Encyclopedias — whether paper (Britannica, for example) or software (Encarta) — are intended to be representations of the scope of human knowledge at the moment of their publication. This idea, of course, has a long history. But the most interesting thing about it may be its future, as represented by the magnificent, nonprofit Wikipedia.
"Wiki" is the Hawaiian word for quick, and it refers to a website that can be updated easily by anyone from any Web browser. The first wiki armature was developed in 1995, and Wikipedia — the brainchild of one Jimmy Wales — was founded in 2001. Under Wales' brilliant conception, anyone can go into Wikipedia (wikipedia.org) and create a new article or edit an old one: It is entirely accessible and entirely alterable.
This is anarchy, of course, and completely antithetical to the encyclopedic tradition, which has emphasized a kind of solemn definitiveness and authority. Britannica and Encarta, for instance, not only employ experts to write their articles but subject everything they publish to a rigorous review process. At Wikipedia, you (or any old maniac) can march right onto the "nuclear fusion" page and add your thoughts.
But as Wikipedia says about itself, the point is not that it's hard to make mistakes but that it's easy to correct them. Because thousands of people — ordinary, unpaid, outside participants — monitor and edit Wikipedia, errors and vandalism are often corrected in seconds. One feature of the site is a list of recently updated pages, so that one can keep track of changes. One can even revert to a previous version of an article if mistaken or malevolent parties have messed it up.
The result is not perfect. In one brief instance, a character from "Star Wars" was labeled Benedict XVI. But such is the exception, not the rule, and usually quickly rectified. Overall, the encyclopedia gets ever larger and ever more accurate. The English version has grown to more than half a million entries, and in checking the "recent changes" section I once found a dozen or more revisions every minute. The site also provides contexts in which changes can be proposed and discussed among writers.
So is it to be trusted? Does it have the credibility of Britannica? Well, I have monitored over a decent period a number of entries on matters about which I know something and have found them almost invariably accurate. And I have watched some of them grow, becoming ever more elaborate and interlinked.
In fact, open architecture is in some sense the only possible way to do what an encyclopedia purports to do: represent the state of human knowledge in real time. Such a project is by its nature so huge that it requires what Wikipedia has: thousands of experts, editors, checkers and so on with expertise in different fields working over a period of years. Also, Wikipedia, unlike the World Book, for example, or even Encarta, is updated continuously. When we use the term "public property," we usually mean state property, but Wikipedia compromises the concept of ownership without dispossessing anyone: It is truly public property.
What is perhaps most fascinating about Wikipedia is its demonstration in practical anarchy. It is an ever-shifting, voluntary, collaborative enterprise. If it is in the long run successful, it would show that people can make amazing things together without being commanded, constrained, taxed, bribed or punished.
There are people who want to deface or even destroy Wikipedia. The right-wing blogger Ace of Spades — out of mischief and because he heard Wikipedia's operators were liberals — recently called on its readers to "punk" the site: to put up as much misinformation and nonsense as possible. Other blogs gleefully expose errors, even if those defects persist only for a few minutes.
If the vandals are successful, they'll more or less confirm the common wisdom that people are too evil and miserable to be allowed to govern themselves.
But if Wikipedia grows into the greatest reference work ever made, it will suggest that great things are possible when you merely let people go and see what happens.
