Dropped @ Silly Point

Good ones!

2006-07-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

Sign on a famous beauty parlour window: "Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother!!"

Advertisement in Pune Shop : Guitar, for sale.......cheap...........no strings attached.

Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please pay in advance."

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up.............reading.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.

Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.

Smile. Keep everyone confused.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

If swimming is such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?

Space is a dangerous place...especially if it's between your ears.

Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

One liners

2006-07-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.
The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

I say no to drugs they just don't listen

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

Born free, taxed to death.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on
your pants.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll
believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted,
he has to touch it to be sure.

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

2006-06-14T15:00:00.000-07:00

When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

(From jokes4all.net)

Cool! Flock rocks!

2006-06-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

Tried this cool new browser today! Flock!! Amazing! Pretty neat features and keeping with Mozilla's (Oh! Did I mention that was Flock was by Mozilla) reputation of stability!

technorati tags:Technology

Blogged with Flock

2005-10-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings

2005-10-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end &a fool at the other.
Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce : Future tense of marriage
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sitto decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails...

GRE Student Vs Normal Person

2005-06-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

GRE STUDENT : Individuals having abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.
NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.
NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.
NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
************************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
************************************************************

Call Center Calls!!

2005-05-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

CALL CENTRE JOBS: PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK:

1)
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

2)
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support:" Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

3)
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."!
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

4)
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$

5)
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

6)
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

7)
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"

8)
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

9)
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."

10)
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

11)
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."

12)
Customer: "How do I print my voice mail?"

13)
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support:"What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

14)
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

15)
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

16)THIS ONE IS GOOD
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our Customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

MBA Lessons

2005-05-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

Professor at IIM A was explaining Marketing concepts:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
*************************************************

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's
Very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
*************************************************

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you
call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
*************************************************

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour
her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you
marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
*************************************************

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
*************************************************

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!!
*************************************************

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me!"
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's Demand and supply gap.
*************************************************

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say, "I'am very rich. Marry me!"
She turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife!
That's competition eating into your market share.
*************************************************

About Wikipedia

2005-05-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

(From www.latimes.com)

Encyclopedias — whether paper (Britannica, for example) or software (Encarta) — are intended to be representations of the scope of human knowledge at the moment of their publication. This idea, of course, has a long history. But the most interesting thing about it may be its future, as represented by the magnificent, nonprofit Wikipedia.

"Wiki" is the Hawaiian word for quick, and it refers to a website that can be updated easily by anyone from any Web browser. The first wiki armature was developed in 1995, and Wikipedia — the brainchild of one Jimmy Wales — was founded in 2001. Under Wales' brilliant conception, anyone can go into Wikipedia (wikipedia.org) and create a new article or edit an old one: It is entirely accessible and entirely alterable.

This is anarchy, of course, and completely antithetical to the encyclopedic tradition, which has emphasized a kind of solemn definitiveness and authority. Britannica and Encarta, for instance, not only employ experts to write their articles but subject everything they publish to a rigorous review process. At Wikipedia, you (or any old maniac) can march right onto the "nuclear fusion" page and add your thoughts.

But as Wikipedia says about itself, the point is not that it's hard to make mistakes but that it's easy to correct them. Because thousands of people — ordinary, unpaid, outside participants — monitor and edit Wikipedia, errors and vandalism are often corrected in seconds. One feature of the site is a list of recently updated pages, so that one can keep track of changes. One can even revert to a previous version of an article if mistaken or malevolent parties have messed it up.

The result is not perfect. In one brief instance, a character from "Star Wars" was labeled Benedict XVI. But such is the exception, not the rule, and usually quickly rectified. Overall, the encyclopedia gets ever larger and ever more accurate. The English version has grown to more than half a million entries, and in checking the "recent changes" section I once found a dozen or more revisions every minute. The site also provides contexts in which changes can be proposed and discussed among writers.

So is it to be trusted? Does it have the credibility of Britannica? Well, I have monitored over a decent period a number of entries on matters about which I know something and have found them almost invariably accurate. And I have watched some of them grow, becoming ever more elaborate and interlinked.

In fact, open architecture is in some sense the only possible way to do what an encyclopedia purports to do: represent the state of human knowledge in real time. Such a project is by its nature so huge that it requires what Wikipedia has: thousands of experts, editors, checkers and so on with expertise in different fields working over a period of years. Also, Wikipedia, unlike the World Book, for example, or even Encarta, is updated continuously. When we use the term "public property," we usually mean state property, but Wikipedia compromises the concept of ownership without dispossessing anyone: It is truly public property.

What is perhaps most fascinating about Wikipedia is its demonstration in practical anarchy. It is an ever-shifting, voluntary, collaborative enterprise. If it is in the long run successful, it would show that people can make amazing things together without being commanded, constrained, taxed, bribed or punished.

There are people who want to deface or even destroy Wikipedia. The right-wing blogger Ace of Spades — out of mischief and because he heard Wikipedia's operators were liberals — recently called on its readers to "punk" the site: to put up as much misinformation and nonsense as possible. Other blogs gleefully expose errors, even if those defects persist only for a few minutes.

If the vandals are successful, they'll more or less confirm the common wisdom that people are too evil and miserable to be allowed to govern themselves.

But if Wikipedia grows into the greatest reference work ever made, it will suggest that great things are possible when you merely let people go and see what happens.

Cool sayings...

2005-04-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
3. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
4. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
5. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
6. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
7. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
8. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
9. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
10. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
11. There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
12. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
13. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Shortest Love Story

2005-04-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

He asked "will you marry me?

She replied "NO"

He lived happily ever after.

Fans too harsh on their heroes - From The Hindu

2005-04-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

Adapted from "The Greg Chappell Column" of The Hindu --

It has been a fascinating few days in India. The passion for the game in the country is truly amazing. Everywhere I have gone, I have only answered questions on Indian cricket or about Indian cricketers: What's wrong with Sachin Tendulkar's elbow? Will he be able to regain his best form? Is there any hope for Sourav Ganguly? And so on.

I must say that cricket fans in India are too harsh on their champions. Most players are at their peak for four or five years. Sachin has been the best player in world for over 15 years now. After failing with the bat in Kochi, Sachin contributed with the ball in a big way towards India's handsome win. Yet, he finds himself under constant scrutiny. It's sad really because Sachin is a rare talent.

There has always been an extra-ordinary pressure on him to succeed. To overcome such social pressures and keep your mental focus is incredible. I don't think anyone, even the late Don Bradman, would have been under so much pressure in his time.

Their second victory on the trot at Visakhapatnam will definitely ease the pressure on the India team, for they are now 2-0 up in the six-match series and know that they only have to win two of the remaining four to lift the trophy. They can now relax a bit and settle down to play their natural game.

It will be certainly less pressure on skipper Sourav Ganguly, who is going through a lean patch. Anyone who has played international cricket for any reasonable length of time is bound to have experienced such a trough. He is too good a player to let his poor form persist for too long. Right now the public opinion is against him, but I wouldn't worry too much about that, for public opinion can be very fickle. Sourav is the winningest captain India has ever had and needs more support to get things right.

Only human

Fans often forget that the stars and their heroes are also human beings. That they can also make mistakes like you and I do, every day. It is not being easy to be under the spotlight all the time.

I always felt that Australian fans are very demanding and the English press used to be very harsh on their players, but now, having watched Indian fans' reaction to the `failures' of their icons, I can safely say that the pressure on Indian cricketers is the most. It is not a happy situation for the players because extreme pressure often leads to shortening of careers. Only those who are mentally tough survive.

I only hope that Indian fans were a little more forgiving and celebrate wonderful talents like Sourav, Sachin, Sehwag, Dravid, Laxman and Kumble rather than vilify them for their short-comings. It will not only help the current lot to perform better, but also help newer talents to emerge.

Coming back to the second ODI, it is almost impossible to chase a target like 356. Scoring seven runs per over batting first is one thing, but maintaining that run-rate while chasing a target like that is quite another. Pakistan made a brave effort, but it was a lost cause really.

Now Inzy has to inspire his boys to bounce back in the one-day series just they had done in the Tests. Pakistan will find it harder this time because the come-back window is ever so small in the ODIs than in the Tests. I suspect that their effort in the Bangalore Test drained them so much mentally and physically that repeating the show in ODIs will be a tough ask.

CafeCricket

Rajni's Geometry

2005-04-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

Rajni's Geometry

April Fools Day - Origin

2005-04-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring.

The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1.

However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the new year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fools errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes.

This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool's Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families.

In Scotland, for example, April Fool's Day is actually celebrated for two days. The second day is devoted to pranks involving the posterior region of the body. It is called Taily Day. The origin of the "kick me" sign can be traced to this observance.

Mexico's counterpart of April Fool's Day is actually observed on December 28. Originally, the day was a sad remembrance of the slaughter of the innocent children by King Herod. It eventually evolved into a lighter commemoration involving pranks and trickery.

Pranks performed on April Fool's Day range from the simple, (such as saying, "Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Setting a roommate's alarm clock back an hour is a common gag. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!"

Practical jokes are a common practice on April Fool's Day. Sometimes, elaborate practical jokes are played on friends or relatives that last the entire day. The news media even gets involved. For instance, a British short film once shown on April Fool's Day was a fairly detailed documentary about "spaghetti farmers" and how they harvest their crop from the spaghetti trees.

April Fool's Day is a "for-fun-only" observance. Nobody is expected to buy gifts or to take their "significant other" out to eat in a fancy restaurant. Nobody gets off work or school. It's simply a fun little holiday, but a holiday on which one must remain forever vigilant, for he may be the next April Fool!

You Know What They Say About Fools...

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty. -- 1 Cor 1:27

However big the fool, there is always a bigger fool to admire him. -- Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux
[Politicians] never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. -- Thomas Reed

He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. -- François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer

Sometimes one likes foolish people for their folly, better than wise people for their wisdom. -- Elizabeth Gaskell

Looking foolish does the spirit good. -- John Updike

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. -- Mark Twain

A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. -- William Blake

A fool must now and then be right by chance. -- Cowper

It is better to be a fool than to be dead. -- Stevenson

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. -- Mark Twain

Men n Women

2005-03-31T07:13:00.000-08:00

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Free Haircut!!!

2005-03-29T14:12:00.000-08:00

There was a good old barber in ... where ever you are....

One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service."

Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber. He again refuses to take the money. The confectioner is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" card and a dozen cakes waiting at his door.

A software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, who again refuses the money saying that it was a community service. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there...............................

A DOZEN SOFTWARE ENGINEERS waiting for a free haircut... with print-outs of
forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut!!!!!!!

Preachers Ass

2005-03-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races.
To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.

The paper read:

PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The paper headline the next day read:

NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go.

Next day, the headline in the paper read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

13 Things English Films Have Taught Us

2005-03-28T11:43:00.000-08:00

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have largered read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.
2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will notbe necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.
3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.
4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a banksecurity system or the communication system of an invading aliencivilization.
5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate.
6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strangenoises in their most revealing underwear.
7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 menshooting at 1 man if he is the hero.
8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a stripjoint at least once.
9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by singlepeople with a low wage.
10) The entire British population lives in London.
11) It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial artsfight; your enemies will attack you one at a time while the others dancearound you menacingly.
12) In musicals everyone you meet in the street will know all the wordsto the songs and the steps to the dances.
13) When captured by an evil international terrorist, guns are notnecessary to defeat them, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

Sick Leave Policy

2005-03-22T23:24:00.000-08:00

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

SICKNESS:

No excuse. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

AN OPERATION:

We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH:

Other than your own:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

ALSO:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.

Life's calling, Where are you?

2005-03-22T23:07:00.000-08:00

It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on..PCs still runnning, coffee machines still buzzing..and whose at work..Most of them??

Take a closer look.. All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race..look closer..again all or most of them are bachelors..and why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!! Any guesses?? lets ask one of them..Here's what he says.."Arey yaar, whatz there 2 do after goin home..idhar to net hein, AC hein, phone hein, khaana hein, coffee hein.. to jam ke khaao, jam ke piyo(burps), jam se chatting/phone karo aur thak jaane par ghar jaao...aur boss bhi kush that i am working late... (burps) aur khaane ka paisa bhi bachtaa hein."

This is the scene in most software companies and other off-shore offices.

Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do..Now what r the consequences.. read on..."working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hardworker..goes home only to change..!!) they arent helping things too..To hell with bosses who dont understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!

Very soon, the managers start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours. My dear Bachelor bhaais let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family..office is no longer a prioroty, family is..and thats when the problem starts.bcoz u start having commitments at home too. For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early leaver" even if u leave an hour after regular time..after doing the same amount of work, People leaving on time after doing ther taks for the day are labelled as work-shirkers..Girls who thankfully always leave on time are labelled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not realising that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realise that they wuld have to regret at one point of time.

So bhaai log, what's the moral of the story.?? Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!

Never put in extra time unless really needed. Dont stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening.. Learn music..Learn a foreign language..Try go-karting... Get a girl friend, take her around town. And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low(plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.

Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: "Life's calling, where are you??"

Please pass on this message to all those colleagues whom you know stay back in office for everything other than work. And please do it before leaving time, dont stay back till midnight to forward this!!

Kidnapping a Sardar

2005-03-22T23:06:00.002-08:00

There was a Sardarji (HARMEET SINGH) who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for a ransom.

He went to a playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,"I've kidnapped you." He then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paperbag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground".

Signed: "A Sardarji".

HARMEET then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the HARMEET checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree. The boy was sitting next to the bag. HARMEET opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying: "How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and Please leave my son."

Signed: Another Sardarji

Cool Clock!

2005-03-22T23:06:00.001-08:00

Check out this cool "manual" clock at http://www.yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html

Theory and Practice for a programmer

2005-03-22T23:06:00.000-08:00

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
Programmers combine theory and practice: Nothing works and they don't know why.

2005-03-21T07:58:00.000-08:00